Prepared for your Baby. Not Prepared to Go Back to Work...
Why preparing yourself is just as important as preparing your childcare, diary and HR meeting.
You'd never leave the house unprepared with your baby... so why return to work unprepared?
Is this your story?
It’s your new life
You are now a parent. Maybe for the first time, maybe once again. Either way, everything feels different.
Think back on that first outing.
Suddenly leaving the house wasn't as simple as grabbing your keys and sunglasses.
Every outing became a military operation. Spare clothes / Nappies / Bottles / Wipes / Cream / Blanket...
Then came the buggy... Could you remember how to unfold it? Had you strapped the car seat correctly? Had you forgotten anything?
You knew that if you weren't prepared, a small issue could quickly become a stressful one.
The assumptions
You had a lot of support available preparing for the arrival of the baby - can you say the same about returning to work? I can't!
When I returned after 4 months, I was 100% confident the baby was going to be fine, and then it dawned on me. Will I?
We spend months preparing for becoming parents. Yet almost no time preparing for becoming working parents. We simply assume we'll become the person we were before.
You might feel nervous - that's not failing. Your priorities have changed - that's not weakness. If you're questioning whether your old career still fits your new life, that's worth exploring rather than ignoring.
Before becoming a parent, you probably measured success by what you achieved. Now, success might simply be getting everyone out of the house with matching shoes.
Time feels different.
Priorities feel different. Even stress feels different.
You haven't become less capable.
You've become different.
You don't simply return to work. You return as someone new.
Returning to work isn't going back.
It's moving forward as a different version of yourself.
How are you going to master the return?
That can be exciting. It can also be unsettling.
Because while everyone around you expects you to "go back", you already know there is no going back.
Before you plan... pause
Most return-to-work advice starts with your calendar. I think it should start with you.
Planning before thinking often leads to planning the wrong things.
You may be considering flexible working, asking if this is available, looking into childcare, how this will fit with a phased return, booking your HR meetings and contact days, but...
...to prepare yourself, you need to ask yourself:
Who am I now? Who do I want to be?
What matters most to me? Now and mid/long term?
What do I need to become the version of myself I want to be?
What am I worried about? Which one am I hiding from myself? Which one keeps coming back?
What assumptions am I making? How can I challenge those?
Everyone talks about boundaries. Which ones are right for me?
What does "a good return" actually look like for me? Picture how it would feel if you could return to work in an ideal way.
Thinking about your HR meeting
Rather than walking in hoping they'll tell you what your options are, for someone else to decide on your future...
...walk in knowing what you need, have ideas at the ready. Think about what success looks like for both you and your employer. A good return isn't about one side winning; it's about finding a way for both of you to succeed. An example could be how reducing your hours might help retain someone who is looking at new challenges, how focusing you on what you do best will benefit them... Have a conversation!
Pick some practical questions to know the realm of the possible
What flexibility can you genuinely benefit from?
What has changed while I've been away?
Then focus on the personal questions
Explain what you need to be confident, free from anxieties, and successful (they will want that too)
Explain what boundaries are needed and ask how they will ensure this is kept true
Know what you are willing to compromise on - and what you are not willing to compromise on
If you don't know what you need, it's difficult to ask for it. And if you don't ask, you don't get.
Final words
Returning to work isn't about becoming who you were. It's about understanding who you've become.
We prepare for almost every milestone of parenthood. Perhaps the greatest preparation isn't finding the right childcare or choosing the right working pattern. Perhaps it's taking the time to understand who you've become.
Want more tips to help you prepare for your return? Fill in this form and they'll land directly in your inbox.
Claire Rehm, Transition Back to Work Coach @ ClarityElevate Ltd
Comments